July

The EI coordinator called me today. She said "Hi Mrs.Johnson. I was calling to let you know that your therapists will not be coming out to see J this week."

You don't say?!?! They come on Mondays. Today is Tuesday. Even if they didn't call me, I think I'd have figured it out by now! I didn't tell her that though...hehehe. Just thought it! I told her that I spoke with his therapists and they explained the lack of funds issue. She then asked me if I had thought of any alternative routes for J temporarily. I asked her if there were any non contracted therapists through First Steps that would be willing to see J, but she said not at the moment. Unfortunately we cannot afford to pay out of pocket for the sevrices, and I have no idea why they are so dang expensive in the first place?!?! So no. I have no alternative. The good news (I guess??) is that they will pick him back up in July once they get their yearly funds. I asked her if she was certain that J would be picked back up and she assured me that he would be since he was already actively receiving services. So he'll miss 2 months of therapy. I am going to do what I can to keep him on track, but I'm really worried about the occupational therapy. It's just extremely hard for him and he was finally started to respond to the sessions. Now I know he will regress and it will be hard to get him back on track. Everyone is suggesting that I just do what the therapist does, but trust me when I tell you it is not that easy. The main reason is b/c any child will work better with someone other than their parents. It sounds crazy but it's true. It happens all the time with my photography business. Parents tell me that their children HATE to take pictures, but I never have a problem getting great pictures of their kids and most parents leave the sessions saying "Wow s/he NEVER did that for me!!" Well, I'm a new person who only comes around once in a while, so it's intruguing to them. Same thing with J and the therapists. He knows them, but they only come once a week so it's almost like a treat to them and he doesn't mind spending 45 minutes with them. The other reason I know I cannot completely take over OT is b/c it's so rough for him and rough for me to watch him. Occupational therapy generally helps him with things that he normally should have no problems doing daily. She's helping him to be able to successfully perform his occupation, which right now is to be a child...laugh, play, learn, grow up...But it's hard for him since he's dealing with the sensory issue. He extremely turned off by different textures, he hates to wear clothing with tags, he doesn't eat, he can't sit still, he bangs his head when he's frustrated (although his diet change has decreased that tremendously), he falls ALOT, among other things. But she helps him to deal with these things. She started off working with his feeding issues. He went CRAZY!!! It was traumatizing for him and it made me cry to watch him go through that. I planned to ask the therapist to hold off on feeding therapy for a while, but she decided to stop on her own b/c it was just too much, so that's definitely something I'm not willing to do on my own. For the past few weeks she's been working on him with different textures. One that repulses him the most is dry oatmeal. He cries and gags when he has to touch it and usually gets up and runs to my lap for comfort. I NEVER want to be the person on the other side of the table who is making him do something that he doesn't like. I know it will help hima nd it's what he needs, but I'm his mother so I want to remain the person he can run to for comfort. So taking over OT sessions is not going to be an easy task.

I do, however, plan to continue doing sensory exercises with him. Those should keep him close to where he needs to be once the OT comes back. I ordered him a weighted vest which is simply a vest that I can add weights to. The extra weight give him added pressure since he is a "sensory seeker". It also helps his balance and could help with muscle tone, but that's not one of his issues. He hates to wear it b/c it makes him fall alot, but when he learns to not fall then that's helping his balance. I also got him a chewy tube, which is basically a rubber teething toy shaped like a T. When I gave it to him, he immediately started chewing on it. The tube stimulates his oral muscles and help him to develop oral motor skills, so hopefully he won't have any problems chewing adult food once he starts eating more. Also, the chewy tube can work muscles that will help develop his speech more. I often find him watching TV and chewing away on the tube. I may have to carry it along when we go to noisy places b/c when he gets nervous he chews on his shirt (or my arm!!) so I wonder if the chewy tube would help to calm him. Other things I can do can easily be masked as games, like ring around the rosey, jumping up and down, hand walking, etc. Anything to get the senses going. All of that will help him with the little issues, but I cannot and will not touch the bigger issues. Hopefully he will hang in there until July.

New Diet...

So J has been on a GF/CF (gluten free/casein free) diet for two weeks now. I think he should have been on the CF diet from the time he was diagnosed with Milk and Soy Protein intolerance. Wikipedia says that casein "accounts for nearly 80% of proteins in cow milk" so it makes since that a child who has a milk PROTEIN intolerance needs to avoid casein as well. And if you are one to read food labels then you will know that casein is well hidden in many foods even when it claims to be "dairy free". When we found out that J had stomach ulcers and duodenitis, I decided to try the GF diet just to see if it would help him at all. I also eliminated soy from his diet b/c I still had no clue as to if he'd outgrown the MSPI or not (and his GI docs were not too helpful at all). Well after a week on the diet, J's bowel movements became normal. He was having a BM 3-4 times a week as opposed to once a week. And they were no longer doul smelling. His pediatrician agreed that I should keep him on this diet and that he probably still has not outgrown the MSPI. Also he will be tested for Celiac Disease by a new GI dr soon (sorry if I've posted this here already!) Keeping J on this diet has been really easy so far b/c he hardly eats. So basically he eats GF dry cereal in the mornings, and Jennie-o turkey dogs (no bun) with sweet potato fries for lunch and dinner. The transition from Soy to rice was easy. I started with almond milk b/c it has a better flavor than the rice and doesn't separate as easy. Once he was used to the almond milk (and our pockets started screaming!!) we started the transition to rice. I tried just giving him rice milk last weekend and he hated it, so I offered a little bit of rice milk mixed with almond milk and increased the rice milk each day. Today he started full rice milk and does not complain about it. We are also adding Beechnut infant rice cereal to his milk b/c he depends on the milk to keep him full. I really think that this new diet is doing wonders for his belly b/c he already shows interest in new foods. A few days ago, he ate a few bites of a piece of baked chicken, and today he wanted a piece of hamburger steak, but as soon as he felt the texture he spit it out (remember he has the sensory issues as well), but just the fact that he is trusting the food enough to let it into his mouth now is progress and I'm happy about that.

We are still waiting to get the appt for the Developmental Pediatrician in N.O. He is already in their system and we are just waiting for the July schedule to open so he can get an appt. I got a letter in the mail today for a local developmental pediatrician...

"We received a referral request for your child to see a Developmental Pediatrian/Behavioral Specialist. We do not accept your insurance. An office visit will cost $350, and an evaluation by a developmental pediatrician will be $100. Please contact our office if you would like to schedule an appt."

$450. My son is definitely worth the $450, but we are aware that something is wrong and he will more than likely need more than 1 of those $350+ visits. Besides, I'm sure that their wait list is just as long as the provider who accepts our insurance, so we will just go that route. I've ended up having to get a planner to keep up with all of these appts...J's therapies, GI appts, Developmental Pedi appt, and of course, my appt to the dermatologist for my alopecia which I believe has spread. I need to take a picture of the spot and compare it to the first picture I took of it, but I'm pretty sure that it's bigger b/c my hair is MUCH thinner in that area =( I've been having dreams of my hair growing back really fast. I hope the rest of my hair can hang in there until my appt on April 6.

So let me tell you a funny J story! The weather has been so nice, so we spent much of the day outdoors. This afternoon we were out playing in the backyard. J falls alot, and when he falls myself or my husband calls out "Are you okay??" so now everytime he falls he commands us to say it by saying "oh KAAAAAYYYY???" LOL!! Well today he was climbing his slide and pushing his fire truck down first and then he would follow it. Well once he lost his footing and he fell down. Well let me rephrase that...He lost his footing and slipped, but did not actually fall...inseatd he threw himself to the ground in a very dramatic fashion! I looked away, so as not to laugh at him and I hear him saying "oh KAYYY?? oh KAAAAYYY?? oh KAAAAYYY?" So I look over and he stands up, walks from behind the slide so that he can see me, and then dramatically falls down again!!! "oh KAAAYYY?" So I say, "J are you okay?" J says "Than Du!!" Oh Lord!!!! He's so funny! I love him =)

Just a little reminder...

This morning J and I went to the YMCA so that I could get a little workout in and he could play in the daycare area. He loves it there, especially the big ball pit! So we got there and as soon as we walked into the childcare room, his little eyes lit up and he walked straight to the little entrance door to get to the play area. He walked in and turned around to tell me "I love you" in his own little gibberish that I've come to understand. I said "I love you too baby!" and he turned around to go in. But by the time he turned around, 4 cute toddlers walked up to greet him. Only they didn't know or understand that it scares J. He does not like too many little kids around him at once. He'd much rather observe them first, and then decide if he wants to come closer. So of course his first reaction was to scream at them. I said "It's okay baby, they just want to play." Then he looked for a second and then decided that he wanted out and he ran to my leg. I picked him up and said "Momma will walk you in, ok?" I carried him in and just as I was putting him down he said "Than du!"

As frustrating as it can be parenting a child who has any sort of issues or delays, it's little moments like those that remind you that they need you to help them in this confusing world they live in.

Low Funds...

So, as many of you know, we've been waiting on an Occupational Therapist for J for about a month now. The nurse at his Drs office called the CDC and they let her know that it would be AT LEAST 6 months before he could be assigned an OT through them, so that wouldn't work. She then sent the referral to the Early Intervention center we are alreayd using for his speech therapy. I waited a week and then started calling them to see if I can get any idea of how long we will have to wait for the OT. I ended up leaving 3 different messages that were not returned and no one who answered the calls could answer my questions. It was ridiculous. So yesterday I called and complained. I also told his speech therapist, when she came for his session, that I could not get any calls returned and it was very frustrating. So I wasn't surprised when my calls were finally returned later yesterday evening. I told the coordinator that I was calling to see what the status was on J and his OT. She told me:



"We are low on funds and that's why he hasn't been assigned an OT yet. We can only assign OTs when they are truly needed."

What the?? First of all, we were prepared to pay for Early Intervention for our son, we were surprised when we found out that it is funded until he is 3 yrs old. Funding should not be a reason why my son cannot get an OT. What really upset me though was the comment that OTs are only assigned where truly needed. Well how do you decide when an OT is truly needed? The coordinator does not witness his sensory behaviors so she wouldn't know. She then asked me why was his Dr referring him for an OT. I told her "J has some sensory issues that are affecting his progress in speech therapy. The speech therapist agrees that his sensory issues need to be addressed in order for him to get more out of his sessions with her." With that she said, "Ok we will get him set up with an OT."

I really don't expect to hear anything from them anytime soon, but you better believe that they will get a call from me weekly and I will ask his SLP every Monday if she's heard anything. Such a frustrating system to have to deal with!

Positive Strides

There have been far too many nights that I've gone to bed feeling like J and I didn't get to spend enough time together. Being a 2 yr old with sensory issues, he almost has NO attention span, does not want to share, does not want me to help him with anything, and melts down at the drop of a dime. Only his melt downs include a blood curdling scream (not exaggerating), slapping himself in the face, and banging his head on the wall. Being an overwhelmed, frustrated mother, I decide that it's easier to just let him play alone than to deal with the wrath that results when playing with him. But that didn't work for him. I want to interact with him. I feel like he's at the age where he needs to get prepared for the learning envirnoment. I can't keep waiting on the EI system to help b/c they take the hurry up and wait approach. We are going on 2 months of waiting for an OT which he so desperately needs right now. And lets not forget about the feeding therapy he needs but EI doesn't seem to agree. I will keep fighting for him until he gets the help he needs. And in the mean time, I will do what I need to do to help him...and myself.

My main goal is to drastically decrease his TV time. I still let him watch Dora and Yo Gabba Gabba after breakfast, but then the TV goes off and Disney Radio comes on. This week, I started doing small learning sessions with him. The only thing this "session" requires him to do is stay seated. I do several different activities with him, and while I don't expect him to participate, I expect him to stay seated (or in his case, at least have one foot on the chair!lol). So we pull out a fold away activity table my mom got him for his birthday. This table only comes out for "school" or activities, so he loves to sit at it, as oppsoed to his Elmo table set that stays out at all times. He immediately sits at his table and waits for his activity. We start with arts and crafts. Today I traced his hands onto construction paper and let him color them in. Next, I pulled an activity sheet from his preschool activity book I purchased from Target and showed him how to make curved lines. I traced over the curved line examples and I didn't expect him to be able to do it, but I wanted him to watch me do it. Well, he made 3 curvy lines!! WAY TO GO BUDDY! So after that activity, I gave him a coloring sheet to color on while I pulled out his animal picture book. I found that he needs to have another option available to him just in case he is not interested in what I am doing. So in this case if he didn't want to see the animal pictures, then he could just color...no tantrums involved! So I went through the pages and named the animals and made the animal sounds. For the most part, he colored, but he did pause for his two favorite animals, a dog that says "woo woo" and a lion that says "Woooaarr!!" lol. Good enough for me! Next I do his ABC flash cards. For some reason, everytime I pull these out, he hides his face behing his construction paper. Every time! And peeks out every now and then with a big smile! After ABC flash cards, I sing the ABC song. I know eventually he will sing along. After the ABC song I read a story for the day and he always pays attention to that part. And then his learning session is over. 15 minutes tops and he has been well behaved so far. But please don't let this post mielead you into believing he sits still at the table the entire 15, b/c he doesn't. Several times I have to tell him, "Don't rock in the chair baby, you may fall" "Sit down for momma." "Sit down on your butt, J." "Don't throw your papers on the floor." "You threw them now you have to pick them up." "No screaming, use your inside voice please." He enjoys the interaction, so he does listen well for the most part, but he has fallen out of his chair a few times. Also, if he isn't standing on his chair, lying across the table, or playing peek a boo under the table (all while I'm still reading to him!!) he is just scowling at me! It is hilarious to look over a book and see that cute scowl! But I promise I don't laugh. I keep reading! After the lesson we yell "SCHOOL!!", J throws both hands in the air and says "Cool!!" I wish I could take the credit for teaching him to say it so enthusiatically, but anyone can tell by the way he looks at the TV when he yells it, that he learned it from WORD WORLD!! Then he helps me to put his table away and we play Ring around the rosey. He needs this after sitting still (or trying to) for the past 15 minutes! He loves it!

Then I have lunch with him and we go for a walk, WITHOUT THE STROLLER! Today we walked around 2 cul de sacs. J's face was lit up. He would run in front of me and then stop and I'd say "Jump, Jump, Jump. Jump" to the beat of one of his favorite Choo Choo Soul songs and he'd start jumping and saying "jump"! Then as we walk we passed some house with dogs and whenever the dogs barked he would yell "DOG" and stop in front of the house and bark back! Then whenever he sees a big truck, first he yells "CAR!" I say "Very good J, but that's a truck!" Then he says "Choo Choo!!" He can't pronounce train yet, so he calls his trains truck. Considering I have yet to meet a 2 yr old who can say truck without sounding like a sailor, I think I will accept that for now! We got home and J was ready for his nap.

Right now, I don't expect a huge response from him right away with the sessions we have, and I also expect him to get frustrated and not want to cooperate on some days. But I know that with consistency, he will learn. And that brings me to my attention whore news I want to share...My baby finally figured out his shape sorter block!! He has never had the patience to get the right shape into the right hole. He would just grab any shape and try to pry it into any shaped hole and when it wouldn't fit, all of the shapes and the sorter block would go flying and he'd have a huge fit. Last night he came up to me with the block asking me to empty the shapes from it. I pulled the shapes out and he sat beside me and intently looked at the shape in his hand and then looked at the block to find the right shape. He turned the block until he found the correct shape and pushed it in. The look of achievement on his face melted my heart. I made the biggest deal out of it! He then went on to put in two more shapes. He only has the patience to do 3 -4 shapes at a time, but no matter what shape he has in his hand, he can match it to the shape on the block...even the star! I am so proud of him!

I do hope that this post helps anyone who is surfing the net for activities to try with sensory kids. I borrowed a book from the library full of activities to do with toddlers. I immediately turned to the page with activities for 18-24 months old and there were none that are appropriate for J. The activities required the child to have some sort of attention span, coordination, and the ability to talk. It's too much for J. So I brainstormed and came up activities for him using sensory toys and exercises. I will be posting here with the ideas and techniques I use for J and how they help him.

Overwhelmed.

SI is a very difficult thing to deal with at times. We went to Atlanta this weekend to visit my BFF and her new baby. The trip was very unpleasant and J was out of control (not exaggerating one bit) from the moment we got to Atlanta until we got in the truck to head home. He was non stop and very unruly. So out of sorts that I just knew something had to be bothering him and causing a sensory overload. Sure enough, today he's had diarrhea, fever, and congestion. I'm taking care of that, but it just gets so overwhelming at times. Everyone keeps telling me that I have so much patience with him. Even his speech therapist told me so this morning (right after he got angry and stood up and hit her several times over a puzzle) that I have lots of patience with him. I don't feel like I do though. I yell at him at times, and sometimes when he just won't stop, I feel like I grab his arm a little too rough and I immediately feel guilty. He can't help what he does. I know he can't. But I still get frustrated and angry with him. I don't think that qualifies me for the Mother of the Year award now does it? I try so hard to be understanding, but at times I just feel like I need a break. I deal with the behavior 24/7 and then I go to bed questioning myself and wondering what I could have done better. Then the next morning I get up and try something new with him and he gets frustrated and I feel like a failure once again. This morning I tried helping him to play with his learning laptop and he didn't want me to help so he slapped me, snatched the laptop, and when I took it back and told him I wanted to help he slapped himself in the face and threw himself to the floor. I yelled at him... It's so hard...24/7.

Our little family

Gingerbread family that is!! We decided to start our holiday family traditions now that J is old enough to participate and help out. We go out and pick a tree on the day after Thanksgiving and the head to the store for each of us to get a new ornament. Last year we did the same and the plan is that eventually our trees will be decorated with our own personal ornaments, which all have some sort of personal meaning to us. Last year, J's ornament was Elmo of course. I'm sure you can guess what it is this year...Choo Choo!! Well, then we head home to set up the tree. Turn on some christmas music...and bake gingerbread men!! Talk about fun! And J was so happy to help out...









And here is his finished product...



And all of the cookies together :)






Before bed, we all sat on the couch to eat a cookie. J was so happy to play with his creation but was confused when we started to eat ours! He just kept looking at us and looking at his cookie. He got a taste of the icing and that was that! LOL! I can't wait for the time to come when J starts looking forward to our traditions!

Now an update on his SI...GREAT NEWS!! He was FINALLY referred to an occupational therapist who specializes in SI. PRAISE GOD! The SLP was coming weekly and soon noticed his sensory behaviors. In fact, every single session has gone exactly like this one went. So this morning when she came in, she noticed the HUGE blisters all over J's fingers. Last week during therapy, it was nice outside so we decided maybe a change of scenery would help him a bit so we went to the backyard where he found a little elmo car he'd lost a while ago. He picked it up and walked over to the porch to play with it. Then he bent down and started counting. The therapist and I walked over to see what he was doing and there were ants all over both his hands (they were coming out of the car). I was so confused b/c I didn't think they were red ants since he wasn't screaming or brushing them off him. He just sat there counting them, as they OBVIOUSLY bit his hand up. I brushed them off him and threw the car away and J never ever complained about his hands. A few days later his hands had blisters all over. Now they are huge and filled with fluid, in fact, you can see some of them in the pictures above. The therapist asked me this morning if he's been complaining about the blisters. I told her I don't even think he notices them. Now if you've ever been biten by an ant, you know it! He was bitten several times and is not bothered. That screams sensory...along with his excessive need to chew things, his head banging, his tantrums when he sees food, along with other issues he's been having lately. So the speech therapist told me that she spoke with an OT last week about J and she will have the OT contact me to set up times to come by and work with J. I am so relieved. I think this will also help with his speech therapy b/c he will probably be able to concentrate longer and not tune his therapist out after 10 minutes. I am so very hopeful for his future!

Catching up

We have been busy here...Sickness, therapy, photo shoots, etc!

Therapy has been going well for the most part, but Friday J had a rough day. He came down with a cold and a friend of mine, Ange, told me that when kids with SPD get sick, they get extra irritable and their behavior may get worse. Well Jayden was the text book picture of an SPD child who wasn't feeling well on Friday. He woke up very congested even after I had his humidifier running all night. He barely touched his breakfast and was pretty clingy to me. Also he was getting very frustrated with any and everything, including my shooe that he couldn't tie (and he does NOT know how to tie shoes!!). Also if he even saw my lips thinking about saying the word "No" he freaked out. He was banging his head all morning long. And let me be the first to tell you that no matter how "harmless" that behavior is said to be, it doesn't make it any less painful for a mother's eyes to see. That shatters my heart. Everytime I see him do it I get a sick feeling in my stomach. So when the therapist arrived, I warned her that he was indeed out of sorts and not feeling well and that he had been banging his head all morning. The therapist had yet to see this behavior and I really think that she assumed that when I said head banging that it was just a typical toddler flinging his head back in a tantrum while not being aware of his surroundings and hitting his head on accident; she soon witnessed what I meant... She noticed that J was not himself so did light activities with him, but at one point she took some blocks that he was quietly playing with and she hid them under a cup and told him to say open if he wanted to see the blocks. J refused to say open and pulled at the cup. The therapist wouldn't give in ( this sounds mean of her but I'm not angry at her b/c I know it's her job to get him to talk) and J kept pulling the cup and then he lost it. He literally threw himself across the floor and started rolling around (imagine an alligator after it catches prey) wildly all over until he hit something hard with his body. In this case it was his bounce and spin zebra. He then got up on his hands and knees, facing the zebra, and started rocking back and forth banging his head on the zebra. The therapist replied "Oh.." and looked at me. I told her that I just let him do it as long as he's not in any danger and then once he's done I give him a bear hug which includes pressure to his head and it calms him down. J knew he wanted his bear hug after he finished banging his head so he came straight to me and I hugged him and he calmed down. Of course that meant marks on his spreadsheet, but oh well, it's our reality. He continued to bang his head throughout the weekend, and while it still hurts my heart, I am doing what I can to help him cope. Today's session went alot better. He babbled the entire sesison which is certainly progress b/c he used to play very quietly. The babbling tells us that if he knew how to form words he would use them, so he's trying. Which brings me to some beautiful news from the weekend!!

Saturday I had a very long shoot so J spent the day with Daddy. I got home at around 7:45 and the guys weren't home. Daddy took J for a haircut, but the place was too crowded so Daddy decided it would be best for Jayden if they came at a less busy time. Great move! So they were on the way home and Daddy decided to call me from the onstar phone in our truck. J loves to hear us talk through the speakers in the truck. So I said "Hi Baby!!" He didn't respond but Daddy told me he was smiling. I said it again, "Hi Baby!" and J yelled "Hi mommmmeeeeee!!" Awwww! So then I asked, "J how old are you?" and he yelled "Doooooooooooo!!" YAY!! I then said "Awww, Momma loves you J!" and he said "Yah yuuuuuuuuuuuu!" I love how he sings everything! So they got home, J ran into my arms and gave me a hug and we sat down for a late dinner and J babbled the entire time. You could tell that he really wanted to talk so I called my mom to see if he would talk on the phone to her. When she answered I said "Mom someone wants to talk to you." and I gave the phone to J. I said say HI to Nana and J said "Hiiiiiiii!!!" and the I asked "How old are you?" He grabbed the phone and said "Doooooooooooooooooooooooo!" I took the phone back and my mom was screaming and CRYING!!! She told me that was music to her ears!! We are all so proud of him. Moms with very verbal toddlers, do not take it for granted. Sure sometimes you wish they would just be quiet for just a few minutes, but just remember that there are so many kids who are quiet for far too long and their parents long to hear their voices! So let your kids talk all they want and listen to that sweet voice and thank God for it!!

Sensory Integration Dysfunction

Also known as sensory integration disorder, sensory processing disorder, sensory intergrative dysfunction, sensory modulation disorder, or even dysfunction of sensory integration. I'll just call it SI dysfunction. This is what J is dealing with. Well I should say what the Johnson family is dealing with. Today was his first session with the speech-language therapist and I completed a sensory profile and was not surprised when his score showed that he was indeed experiencing some sensory issues, mainly proprioceptive and emotional. When I looked over the list I almost laughed b/c most (if not all) of the things listed were honestly normal toddler behavior, but the list also asked about developmental milestones, emotional reactions, and how everyday life is affected. J exhibits several sensory seeking behaviors such as stomping feet when walking, jumps or hops instead of walking, excessive banging of objects, loves rough play, frequently falls on floor intentionally, chews on shirts sleeves, and the main one that we've been dealing with and worried about...head banging and intentionally hurting himself. He also shows several emotional issues related to the dysfunction such as getting easily frustrated, often impulsive, functions best in small groups or individually, variable and quickly changing moods, prefers to play on the outside of a group just observing, and has difficulty making needs known amongst other things. It all goes hand in hand with the fact that J is not speaking, not eating, and does not cope well at all in loud and crowded places. It all makes sense to me now. We have more paperwork to fill out and hopefully soon an OT will be added to Jayden's weekly therapy sessions. We've decided to let his speech therapy take the place of his Monday morning storytime since he was not enjoying the crowded room much, and we may thr to go for the afternoon storytime to see if it's less crowded.

Now this all brings me back to something that has always been in the back of my mind since we filled out our intial adoption paperwork back in July 2006. We filled out an application for domestic infant adoption, which is simply adoption of an infant within the states. On the application was a section about special needs. The section asked if we would be willing to adopt a child with special needs and if so, to what degree would we accept. Alot went through our minds as we thought about that section. First of all, as first time parents, honestly, to what degree could we handle a special needs child? Are there any cases that we could handle more than others? We read and read and in the end we decided that as first time parents, we'd rather not adopt a special needs child. It's best to be honest with yourself no matter how bad you want to be parents, and we had been trying for over 2 yrs at that point. However, even after we turned in our application, that particular section stuck in my mind. Not all disabilities will present themselves at birth. Of course there are some that are obvious at birth such as downs syndrome, but there are several that won't present themselves at birth and will be found later on in life and can severely disable a child. I've always wondered, would an adoptive parent be devastated if they did not actually get the "healthy" or "normal" child they'd asked for? Would they in turn despise the child for not being perfect or "exactly what I'd hoped for"? Seriously, I've thought these things even before J was placed with us. Now I know the answer... J is not disabled by any means, but now we know that he does indeed have special needs and that we are being faced with an obstacle that we never expected. One that we were not prepared for. So what do we do?? I know what we do, we will love him b/c he is our son! We will continue to be his advocate and get him the help he needs to live a well rounded life and to be happy. We will work with the therapists to get him ready for school with as little stress as possible. We will follow his cues and make whatever sacrifices are necessary to keep him happy. We will do all of this b/c he is our son and we love him, no matter what special needs he has. So I can certainly understand the reasoning for that particular section on the adoption application, but we should always remember that God is in control and God has the PERFECT child for us and He knows what He is doing when He makes a family.

So right now, I'm reading the book "Raising the Sensory Smart Child" by Lindsey Biel and Nancy Peske. Nancy is the mother of a child with SI dysfunction and Lindsey is the OT that helped them to get through it. I'm only in chapter 2, but it has already helped me to better understand the dysfunction and to understand why J reacts to certain things the way that he does. I'm learning ways to help him to cope and I'm also finding that I have more patience with him, although I know I can always use 10 times more. It's certainly rough for us and although sometimes I just need a break from him, I couldn't imagine my life without him. Your prayers are welcome :)

Tonight is kid's night out at the park so we are going to dress J up in his Teddy Bear costume and let him have some safe fun. We'll only stay as long as he can tolerate it and then we'll head home. Here's his costume... I may even enter him in the costume contest!