Terrible Twos...er...Ones!!!

OMG! You know the kids who act out only in public, who have tantrums at the drop of a hat in public, who embarrass their parents in public??? I HAVE ONE!!!

J is a complete angel at home. Going out in public is total touch and go. Two nights ago we went to Applebees and J was so well behaved. He played with his crayons, fed them imaginary food, played peek a boo with me, and ate all of his food. He started to have a fit at one point but Daddy gave him "the look" and J immediately corrected himself. We got lucky that night. Today, not so much.

Daddy had a ceremony at his job and I baked a cake for them. They invited us to stop by for the potluck to have some lunch. It was scheduled to start at 11:30. I knew right then that it would be a problem b/c J usually takes his nap between 11:30 and 12 noon. Well I took my time leaving and decided to stop at the bank and pick up my friend on the way to Daddy's job. This would make the ride longer and let J get a nap in the car. Well he sang for half the ride, then rubbed his eyes to fight the sleep. 5 minutes away from Daddy's job and all is silent...I look in the mirror and J is zonked out!! So I parked in the lot and called Daddy and told him that we would sit in the car until the were ready to start the luncheon. I laughed at myself b/c only a mom would sit in her car to let her baby finish a nap. We sat in the car for 45 minutes. I felt that the nap should have refreshed him, even if only for an hour or so. Well he woke up when I took him out of the car. He smiled and played with his daddy, carried my purse around, and played with my keys while in Daddy's office. Then 10 minutes later the meltdowns started. I was letting him play with a broken keyboard on Daddy's desk and all of a sudden he screamed at it and slammed his fist on it and tried to throw it down. I said "No baby be nice." Oh that set him off! He threw his head back and I sat him on my lap and he bit me. So we have started putting him in timeouts. We've been doing it now for about a week and he simply sits on the floor for 30 seconds (if that long) and he has already picked up on changing his behavior, but he didn't understand the timeout in Daddy's office. So I pulled out his umbrella stroller and strapped him in it. Then we went to the luncheon. He was doing fine and then Daddy's coworker asks why we have him in the stroller. Why not let him out to play. That bothered me a bit b/c Daddy knows what his child needs and why his child is in the stroller. So the guy takes J out, J immediately starts to have a fit b/c he doesn't want to be held, instead he wants down. He gets down and starts pulling the table clothes off the tables. So I got out of line and put him back in his stroller. They can call me mean but it was only going to get worse from there. So finally I sit down and I start to feed him. I packed him some spaghetti, which he devoured the night before. I put some in his mouth and he dug his fingers in his mouth and threw the food on the floor. I said, "Okay. Let's try this again." I gave him some more and this time he starts crying and having a tantrum. Daddy's other co worker chimed in to say, "Oh he must not like that then." Um no, he enjoyed this last night. Why do people assume that parents don't know what's wrong with their kids?? So then she says, Well what's wrong with him?? I said "Nothing is wrong with him. He is acting his age." So I tried again with the spaghetti and he finally started eating it. After he was done he continued to have fits b/c he didn't want to be in the stroller. As soon as I was done eating I took him out and he was fine...for 5 minutes. Then me friend who came with me and is 21 weeks pregnant held him for me while I folded his stroller up and took out his jacket. She started putting his jacket on for me. He had a spoon in his hand and she tried to take the spoon and put it in his other hand so that she could put on his jacket. He had a tantrum. He threw his head back so hard and bust my friend's lip! Her lip swelled up pretty badly. I was so upset and embarassed. Daddy called me on the way home so that we could discuss J's behavior. He is worried and wants to have J evaluated b/c he only acts out like that in public. I told Daddy that I don't believe there is a single thing wrong with J. He is a very independent child and he is learning how to express himself, but he can't use words yet. He acts out in public b/c there's really nothing familiar to him and he's attracted to new things. When we tell him No he gets upset. We need to figure out a way to help him work through his anger in public. Hopefully we can figure something out soon b/c at this rate, J and I will have cabin fever for a long time!!

Happy 1st Birthday J!!!

One year ago today, I was expecting to just spend the day at home watching television and shopping for my Secret Santa. I had just left the house to get a Borders Bookstore giftcard for my SS when my cell phone rang. "Are you ready to come and get your son??" OMG YES!!!! We made the 3 hour drive and met our son later that night. It seems like it was just yesterday that I laid eyes on a beautiful baby boy with a head full of hair, and an uncanny resemblance to my husband. Even the nurses made comments on that! I knew from that point on that it was God's will. J changed our lives completely and made us so happy. We've been through so much in his first year of life: Colic, Reflux, Food Allergies, the passing of my grandma (his great grandma), daddy's promotion, J's first big injury (chipped tooth). I love every minute of being his mommy, even during the tantrums, LOL! And I also love seeing how much Daddy is in love with his little guy! He is still waiting for the best day to get J outdoors for some pictures of them in matching NY Giant sportsgear. J gets so excited when his daddy gets home from work. It's the sweetest thing and I thank God for bringing us together.

Also on this day, I want to remember and pray for J's birthmom. This is a special and happy day for us, but it may be an emotional and sad day for her. It's the day that she was separated from a baby whom she bonded with for 9 months. It had to be a difficult thing and I'm sure that today she will have a flood of emotions. Please remember her in your prayers today. I'll leave you with a few pictures from Dec 4, 2006 and from Dec 1, 2007!

Accurate Adoption language

I have had some things on my mind lately b/c as J's first birthday quickly approaches, adoption questions are popping out of the woodworks. Don't get me wrong, I love answering the questions, but lately the terminology they use has started to bother me a bit. Will he know that he's adopted? Does his mom call him? Will you tell him about his mom? And the one that really stung, Does he really feel like your child?" So with that, I would like to share with you, what my online friend Joy shared with me recently...

Natural Child: Any child who is not artificial.
Real Parent: Any parent who is not imaginary.
Your Own Child: Any child who is not someone else's child.
Adopted Child: A natural child, with a real parent, who is all my own.
--- Rita Laws, PhD


Using accurate adoption language when speaking about adoption is extremely important. Even well meaning family members and friends can inadvertently convey the misconception that adoptive families are less real or permanent, and that a child who was adopted remains somehow different. This can be hurtful and hard to forget by the adoptee or adoptive parents.

Here are some points to remember:

*As with race or gender, the fact that a person was adopted should be mentioned only if it's essential to the story. If it's used, relevance should be made clear. A daughter, niece, granddaughter, or cousin who joined the family through adoption is -- and should be described as -- simply a daughter, niece, granddaughter, or cousin, not as an "adopted daughter", etc. Once an adoption is final, a child is simply a regular member of the family.

*If it is relevant to mention adoption, past tense phrasing is appropriate, such as "Jane was adopted in August 2006" rather than "She is adopted". Adoption is just one of many events in Jane's life, not an immutable personal trait. Jane's family should be referred to simply as father, mother, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. The man and woman who shared in Jane's conception can be referred to as the birthparents (NOT "real" or "natural" parents).

*The reasons that people adopt are rarely relevant. To suggest or say that someone "couldn't have a baby of his or her own" is inaccurate. Adoption is a choice, and is not second best. Children who join families through adoption are their parents "own" by law and by love. Families are formed by love, not biology.

Words not only convey facts, they also evoke feelings. The way we talk, and the words we choose, say a lot about what we think and value. When we use positive adoption language, we say that adoption is a way to build a family just as birth is. Both are important, but one is not more important than the other.

Please choose positive adoption language instead of the negative talk that helps perpetuate the myth that adoption is second best. People who use incorrect terminology should be politely corrected. When we use positive adoption language, we educate others about adoption.

First Haircut!!

We took J for his first official haircut on Vet's Day. Of course it had to be done while Daddy was off b/c I couldn't do it alone. We took him to the salon and then we had to decide if we wanted them to use the clippers or scissors. I hadn't thought of that. Daddy first said clippers, then he said scissors. I said "If you are getting nervous, we can leave out right now!" LOL! In the end we decided to go with the scissor cut and here's the result...

J's new smile

I'm so sad about this so I'll let the picture do the talking...

J's first big boo boo :(

Yesterday J was playing with his toys in the living room. I fixed myself some ice cream and went to sit on the couch and read a book while he was playing. He saw the ice cream and walked over to beg for some. Of course, he couldn't have any b/c of his food allergies. He figured it out soon enough that it was something he couldn't have, so he turned around to play with his toys. He grabbed a toy and was running to put it in my lap. He lost his footing and fell, and hit is face on the coffee table. I immediately got up to get him b/c I just knew his lip was cut, but it wasn't. I was like "Wow how is it not cut? He hit pretty hard?" He was sobbing and tried to suck his thumb to soothe himself. He pulled his thumb out of his mouth and I saw blood on it. So I opened his mouth but he snatched away, then I saw white crumbs on his cheek. I knew instantly that he chipped his tooth :( I brushed them away and tried again to peek in his mouth. Then I saw the blood, so I held a wet towel to his mouth. It wasn't bleeding badly at all, but he was upset. He whined and said "Maaaamaaaaa!" for about 30 minutes before falling asleep. I cradled him and got a good look in his mouth. The chip is not bad at all, but it's there. It makes me so sad that this happened to my baby. I cried. He is in no pain at all today though. He has been playing, eating, laughing, just being himself. Now it's just bothering me. I just want to put him in a bubble. I want to protect him from everything. I know I can't do that, but I can protect him from the evil coffee table...it's going in the garage!!

Here is a picture taken the day before he fell...Look at that smile!

Journal Entry

J did something last night that seriously made my heart melt. I've been replaying it back in my mind since then, so I figured I need to record this info somewhere so that I can revisit it in the future.

Yesterday evening, I left J home with Daddy while I ran out to get us some dinner and to pick up J's prescription. When I got home I walked in the living room and they were both cuddled up on the couch watching TV. J looked up and saw me. He proceeded to push his way off of Daddy's lap. Once he got to his feet, he looked at me and squealed then ran full speed with his arms wide open and the biggest, cutest smile on his face!! He actually ran into my arms!! My heart melted. I love that little boy so much!