Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Our Adoption Story



What's an adoption blog without the adoption story?? Here it is.....



My husband and I had been trying to conceive for over 2 yrs. I had a surgery in April 2006 (one of many) that showed that my right tube and ovary were completely covered in scar tissue, so my chances of conceiving were cut in half. I have endometriosis, so my chances were already less than 15% each month, now I hear that it has been cut in half making mour chances less than 8%!! It was very stressful for us, to say the least. In July, we decided to pursue adoption.Our initial plan was to adopt internationally from Guatemala. I contacted a local agency to schedule a homestudy and they mailed us an application which required a picture of us. As soon as they got our application, we received a call from them. A call that would change our lives by the end of the year, although we didn't know it! The coordinator told us that they were in need of African American families for their waiting list, b/c many African American birth moms only wanted to place with AA couples. So we decided to get on the list, although we knew the wait could be 2 yrs or more. We also continued to pursue the international adoption and decided that God would send us the child we prayed for, no matter where that may be. Within the first 2 weeks of getting on the waiting list, we rec'd our first call for a baby boy due in August. We met with the birthmom, but unfortunately for us, she changed her mind and decided to parent. It was hard for us, but we were happy for her. We rec'd 2 more referrals and both were not successful. However, in Sept, after only 2 months of being on the list, we got a referral for a little baby boy due on Nov 29, 2006. We were cautiously optimistic, but it seemed as if God had assured us that this would work out in our favor. So much so that we painted the nursery blue! My mom purchased the crib and we decorated the entire room by November. November 29 came and went. I started to get disappointed b/c I was afraid the birthmom would change her mind. My husband took that week off from work, but had to go back on that Monday, Dec 3. I quit my job that week also I remember that the internet was my only sanity!! I was posting daily on the nest and I couldn't call my mom, b/c I kept giving her heart attacks!! She would answer the phone saying "Is he here?!" It was a crazy week to say the least!Tuesday, Dec 4...I was on my way to the bookstore to get a giftcard for my secret santa when my cell phone rang. It was our adoption facilitator. She asked "Are you ready to come and get your baby?" I was like "YES I AM!!!!" I called my husband and told him to get home now, and I called my mom screaming!! The birthmom was in labor and she was 6 cm at the time we got the call. Can you believe that after a week of just waiting that I wasn't packed?!?! WTH?? Then of course my mind went blank! I had to call my mom back and ask her what to pack for the baby. I threw in a few outfits and hats, and a special teddy bear. I was walking out the door when my mom called my phone and said "Don't forget diapers!!" I remember running inside and grabbing an entire pack of diapers and just tossing them in the trunk! J was born at 2:01pm, but we didn't get to the hospital until 6 pm b/c it's a 3 hour drive. When I first saw him I instantly fell in love, but I didn't instantly feel like his mom. We were not treated as we expected we would be at the hospital. When we went to visit J in the hospital, they put us in a room the size of a closet. Nurses kept sticking their heads in and it was bothering me, but my husband told me to hang in there b/c we would have him home with us soon. What really offended me was when we were feeding him and a nurse came in and said "Are you almost done b/c I have a mom who needs this room to breastfeed." I was so upset. I told my husband I was not leaving b/c visiting time was not over. We sat there and the nurse ended up letting the mom come in and we were separated by a curtain, in the small closet room.We met the Bmom in the hospital. She initially wanted a closed adoption, but she finally agreed to meet with us before her discharge. She was so sweet and we felt like we knew each other for years. She told me something that I will forever remember...about the 72 hour time frame she had to wait to sign the TPR(termination of parental rights)..."I know they told you that I had 72 hours to sign the forms, but please don't worry b/c I will sign it. He's your son." I cried in the room! Those words meant so much to me. We went out and purchased her a heart locket as a thank you gift and we also got her a Beyonce CD b/c she loves Beyonce. Well he was born on a Monday and we were supposed to be bringing him back to the hotel with us on that Wednesday. We went out to eat lunch at a restaurant and were all excited b/c it was supposed to be our last lunch together as a childless couple. Well while we were at lunch the agency called with bad news. The nurse discharged the bmom and forgot to ask her to sign the release form releasing the baby to the agency, so he had to stay in the hospital another day. Yep you guessed it...I cried again. I mean I knew it was just ONE MORE DAY, but do you know how long the nights are when you are just so anxious?? My mom kept saying, well get some sleep b/c he will keep you up tomorrow night, but I wanted him to be keeping me up THAT NIGHT It was a tough night, I couldn't stop crying and it felt like the longest night of my life. I woke up and was dressed before DH even woke up. He laughed and was like "Ok let me get dressed so you can get to your son!" Yeah he knew what was up! I would have slept at that hospital if possible. We knew that the bmom had to come back to sign the TPR at the agency, so she would also stop at the hospital to sign the forms, but it wasn't going to be until 2 pm. So I went to feed my baby his breakfast, then we sat with him for 2 hours. Then we went to a local consignment shop and RACKED UP! That passed an hour, then we went back to the hotel for lunch. I kept looking at the clock for his next feeding time. We went back to the hospital to feed him and I decided I wasn't leaving until he was discharged. The nurse came to check on us and I said "He's coming home with us today." She smiled and let me keep him after the visiting hours were up. The agency called and asked if I could meet them at the hospital to get my baby and I said "HA, we are sitting in the closet with him right now!!" So after signing the paperwork we drove back to the hotel with our son! We just stared at him, took pictures and stared some more. He was just the sweetest thing. He did keep us up that night thought! But the few hours of sleep I got was spent cuddling with my son! It was so surreal. The next evening we met with the lawyer to get temporary custody. I will never forget what the judge said. While she was reading her "lawyer stuff" the baby started to fuss a little so I was rocking his car seat, but I was also rocking my body with it, although I wasn't aware. The judge said, "If I had any question as to whether this family should adopt this child, then it has all beed answered once I watched Mom rock her baby. She's a natural!" I cried again! She signed the custody papers and then gave us the pen. So happy! We loaded up the car and drove home as a family of three! My mom and my aunt called us the entire ride home. They were so excited! When I walked through the house with him is when I really felt like I was his mom. I went straight to his room with him and rocked him in the glider. Then we went to bed and slept for 2 hour stretches...mommy bliss. But what was best was waking up in the morning with OUR SON right there!!

3 comments:

Julie said...

That is an amazing story. Its nice to see what its like from the adoptive families side as I only know what it is like from the birthmom side.

offmymind said...

hey!! love your story!! your son is adorable! I am from MS also!! We adopted through Bethany -- I look forward to reading more of your blog!

Renee & Paul said...

I love your story!