I have had some things on my mind lately b/c as J's first birthday quickly approaches, adoption questions are popping out of the woodworks. Don't get me wrong, I love answering the questions, but lately the terminology they use has started to bother me a bit. Will he know that he's adopted? Does his mom call him? Will you tell him about his mom? And the one that really stung, Does he really feel like your child?" So with that, I would like to share with you, what my online friend Joy shared with me recently...
Natural Child: Any child who is not artificial.
Real Parent: Any parent who is not imaginary.
Your Own Child: Any child who is not someone else's child.
Adopted Child: A natural child, with a real parent, who is all my own.
--- Rita Laws, PhD
Using accurate adoption language when speaking about adoption is extremely important. Even well meaning family members and friends can inadvertently convey the misconception that adoptive families are less real or permanent, and that a child who was adopted remains somehow different. This can be hurtful and hard to forget by the adoptee or adoptive parents.
Here are some points to remember:
*As with race or gender, the fact that a person was adopted should be mentioned only if it's essential to the story. If it's used, relevance should be made clear. A daughter, niece, granddaughter, or cousin who joined the family through adoption is -- and should be described as -- simply a daughter, niece, granddaughter, or cousin, not as an "adopted daughter", etc. Once an adoption is final, a child is simply a regular member of the family.
*If it is relevant to mention adoption, past tense phrasing is appropriate, such as "Jane was adopted in August 2006" rather than "She is adopted". Adoption is just one of many events in Jane's life, not an immutable personal trait. Jane's family should be referred to simply as father, mother, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. The man and woman who shared in Jane's conception can be referred to as the birthparents (NOT "real" or "natural" parents).
*The reasons that people adopt are rarely relevant. To suggest or say that someone "couldn't have a baby of his or her own" is inaccurate. Adoption is a choice, and is not second best. Children who join families through adoption are their parents "own" by law and by love. Families are formed by love, not biology.
Words not only convey facts, they also evoke feelings. The way we talk, and the words we choose, say a lot about what we think and value. When we use positive adoption language, we say that adoption is a way to build a family just as birth is. Both are important, but one is not more important than the other.
Please choose positive adoption language instead of the negative talk that helps perpetuate the myth that adoption is second best. People who use incorrect terminology should be politely corrected. When we use positive adoption language, we educate others about adoption.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
First Haircut!!
We took J for his first official haircut on Vet's Day. Of course it had to be done while Daddy was off b/c I couldn't do it alone. We took him to the salon and then we had to decide if we wanted them to use the clippers or scissors. I hadn't thought of that. Daddy first said clippers, then he said scissors. I said "If you are getting nervous, we can leave out right now!" LOL! In the end we decided to go with the scissor cut and here's the result...
Friday, November 9, 2007
Thursday, November 8, 2007
J's first big boo boo :(
Yesterday J was playing with his toys in the living room. I fixed myself some ice cream and went to sit on the couch and read a book while he was playing. He saw the ice cream and walked over to beg for some. Of course, he couldn't have any b/c of his food allergies. He figured it out soon enough that it was something he couldn't have, so he turned around to play with his toys. He grabbed a toy and was running to put it in my lap. He lost his footing and fell, and hit is face on the coffee table. I immediately got up to get him b/c I just knew his lip was cut, but it wasn't. I was like "Wow how is it not cut? He hit pretty hard?" He was sobbing and tried to suck his thumb to soothe himself. He pulled his thumb out of his mouth and I saw blood on it. So I opened his mouth but he snatched away, then I saw white crumbs on his cheek. I knew instantly that he chipped his tooth :( I brushed them away and tried again to peek in his mouth. Then I saw the blood, so I held a wet towel to his mouth. It wasn't bleeding badly at all, but he was upset. He whined and said "Maaaamaaaaa!" for about 30 minutes before falling asleep. I cradled him and got a good look in his mouth. The chip is not bad at all, but it's there. It makes me so sad that this happened to my baby. I cried. He is in no pain at all today though. He has been playing, eating, laughing, just being himself. Now it's just bothering me. I just want to put him in a bubble. I want to protect him from everything. I know I can't do that, but I can protect him from the evil coffee table...it's going in the garage!!
Here is a picture taken the day before he fell...Look at that smile!
Here is a picture taken the day before he fell...Look at that smile!
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Journal Entry
J did something last night that seriously made my heart melt. I've been replaying it back in my mind since then, so I figured I need to record this info somewhere so that I can revisit it in the future.
Yesterday evening, I left J home with Daddy while I ran out to get us some dinner and to pick up J's prescription. When I got home I walked in the living room and they were both cuddled up on the couch watching TV. J looked up and saw me. He proceeded to push his way off of Daddy's lap. Once he got to his feet, he looked at me and squealed then ran full speed with his arms wide open and the biggest, cutest smile on his face!! He actually ran into my arms!! My heart melted. I love that little boy so much!
Yesterday evening, I left J home with Daddy while I ran out to get us some dinner and to pick up J's prescription. When I got home I walked in the living room and they were both cuddled up on the couch watching TV. J looked up and saw me. He proceeded to push his way off of Daddy's lap. Once he got to his feet, he looked at me and squealed then ran full speed with his arms wide open and the biggest, cutest smile on his face!! He actually ran into my arms!! My heart melted. I love that little boy so much!
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
I've been TAGGED!!!
I've been tagged by Sherri!! I've never been tagged before, but it's pretty cool!
Rules: Once tagged, you must link to the person who tagged you. Then post the rules before your list, and list 8 random things about yourself. At the end of the post, you must tag and link to 8 other people, visit their sites, and leave a comment letting them know they’ve been tagged.
1. I am not a fan of the cold weather. I am already wishing spring would get here soon!
2. I miss working a 9-5. I love staying home with my son, but I also miss having a set schedule, getting up and driving to work in the morning, and mingling with other adults. With that said, I don't know how much I would be able to enjoy a 9-5 at this point b/c I would definitely miss spending my days with my son. I guess I'm torn.
3. I was on birth control pills for 9 months, in order to regulate my cycles. Prior to the birth control pills my cycles were only 20-23 days long. This was my first month off of the pill and my cycle was a perfect 28 days long!!!! This made me so happy!
4. I used to be a party girl in my younger years! LOL! I partied every weekend and was usually the lofe of the party. That's hard to believe isn't it? I actually can't believe it myself.
5. I'm a very kind person and would love to help everyone in need and often times I would give my last dime to help a family member. Unfortunately, they don't always do the same for me. I still have a hard time saying no, though.
6. Sometimes I feel like I can never finish what I start. I never finished college. The first time I had to leave college was b/c my mom was in an accident and was almost paralyzed. I finally got back in and Hurricane Katrina destryed the city when I only had a year and a half left before graduating. I am now on a very LONG waiting list and just don't see myself getting back in, although I would love to finally graduate. In fact, my grandma who passed in May, was looking forward to attending my graduation.
7.I think online shopping is evil!! It is too easy to spend money that I shouldn't be spending! If there was no online shopping, I would probably gain more interest on my checking account in the winter b/c I would never want to go anywhere in the cold! HAHA!!
8. I really LOVE bunnies but can't stand the smell of their urine. I'd have to clean the cage everytime it pees b/c I have a nose like a german shepard!
Okay,now to tag 8 people....Hmmm.... Alicia, Amber, Amber, Amy, Liz, S, Liz, and Lyndsay!
Rules: Once tagged, you must link to the person who tagged you. Then post the rules before your list, and list 8 random things about yourself. At the end of the post, you must tag and link to 8 other people, visit their sites, and leave a comment letting them know they’ve been tagged.
1. I am not a fan of the cold weather. I am already wishing spring would get here soon!
2. I miss working a 9-5. I love staying home with my son, but I also miss having a set schedule, getting up and driving to work in the morning, and mingling with other adults. With that said, I don't know how much I would be able to enjoy a 9-5 at this point b/c I would definitely miss spending my days with my son. I guess I'm torn.
3. I was on birth control pills for 9 months, in order to regulate my cycles. Prior to the birth control pills my cycles were only 20-23 days long. This was my first month off of the pill and my cycle was a perfect 28 days long!!!! This made me so happy!
4. I used to be a party girl in my younger years! LOL! I partied every weekend and was usually the lofe of the party. That's hard to believe isn't it? I actually can't believe it myself.
5. I'm a very kind person and would love to help everyone in need and often times I would give my last dime to help a family member. Unfortunately, they don't always do the same for me. I still have a hard time saying no, though.
6. Sometimes I feel like I can never finish what I start. I never finished college. The first time I had to leave college was b/c my mom was in an accident and was almost paralyzed. I finally got back in and Hurricane Katrina destryed the city when I only had a year and a half left before graduating. I am now on a very LONG waiting list and just don't see myself getting back in, although I would love to finally graduate. In fact, my grandma who passed in May, was looking forward to attending my graduation.
7.I think online shopping is evil!! It is too easy to spend money that I shouldn't be spending! If there was no online shopping, I would probably gain more interest on my checking account in the winter b/c I would never want to go anywhere in the cold! HAHA!!
8. I really LOVE bunnies but can't stand the smell of their urine. I'd have to clean the cage everytime it pees b/c I have a nose like a german shepard!
Okay,now to tag 8 people....Hmmm.... Alicia, Amber, Amber, Amy, Liz, S, Liz, and Lyndsay!
Sunday, November 4, 2007
11 months old!!
Can you believe it?!?! My BABY is 11 months old today! It seems like just a few weeks ago, we first laid eyes on our handsome angel from heaven! And now he's walking, talking, and just so much fun!! I fall more in love with him everyday, when I didn't think I could love him anymore than I already do. This morning Daddy and I walked in his room to get him out of the crib. As soon as he saw us, his face lit up, he smiled really big, and reached his arms out for me. Daddy said "Aw, doesn't that just make your day?!" It truly does. I thank God for him :D
Friday, November 2, 2007
Naughty blogger!!!
I've been such a bad blogger lately! I apologize. One evening I came on to update the blog, but it wouldn't accept my new post, so I gave up and forgot to come back and try again. So let's catch up....The last time I posted was J's video of him taking about 9 steps right? Well now he's taking 15-20 steps at once before MAKING himself plop down, so basically he's a toddler! He refuses to crawl anymore. He puts his hands on the floor to balance himself then stands up and walks all around. He walked through Daddy's office for Halloween and everyone was giving hims candy! He really did get lots of candy! Too bad he cant eat it though, so I'll just use it to stuff his goodie bags for his birthday party ;)
I'm mailing out invitations today in hopes of giving out of town family enough time to plan to come down for his birthday party. And since I mentioned that, I'll use my blog as a place to vent something that has been bothering me for some time now. When I brought J home from the hospital, my mom gave me a shower 2 weeks later. My mom's side of the family showed up (my mom only has 2 sisters) some of her cousins came and my grandmother came. My dad's family is the larger side (he has 7 siblings and they all have kids and their kids have kids)The only people that came from my dad's side was one of my aunt's and my grandmother who recently passed in May. We are talking about a family that usually packs the house for ANY occasion so I was surprised when no one came. I felt a little sad about it b/c I felt like perhaps they didn't think my shower was a big deal since I adopted my baby. But I was far too over the moon with excitement about my son, so that sadness soon was pushed behind me. But then his christening came up. It was a month after my grandma passed away. I even went through the trouble of scheduling his christening on the day after one of my cousin's wedding b/c I knew the family would be in town for the weekend. The entire family was at the wedding, but the only one's who showed up for J's christening and the little party afterwards was his godmother and my aunt from my mom's side of the family and one of my cousins with her kids. This time I felt seriously upset b/c my aunt baked a cake, my mom purchased balloons, and even had out some finger foods. No one bothered to come or even call. I just don't know what to think about that at all, but I have a feeling this is going to happen for his party, which is why I'm sending out invites today, a month early. Perhaps I should have sent them 2 months early. I will be upset if his family does not come to celebrate his first birthday with him, but it won't stop me from celebrating my baby's first year! I am inviting all of my friends and their children who are all anxious and can't wait to meet J or see him again. I am ordering some coloring books as favors and usually I'd have to order 50 plus if I planned on having all of the kids in the family to show up, but since I don't expect them to come, I'm only ordering 20 of them. I have a feeling I won't regret it.
I'm mailing out invitations today in hopes of giving out of town family enough time to plan to come down for his birthday party. And since I mentioned that, I'll use my blog as a place to vent something that has been bothering me for some time now. When I brought J home from the hospital, my mom gave me a shower 2 weeks later. My mom's side of the family showed up (my mom only has 2 sisters) some of her cousins came and my grandmother came. My dad's family is the larger side (he has 7 siblings and they all have kids and their kids have kids)The only people that came from my dad's side was one of my aunt's and my grandmother who recently passed in May. We are talking about a family that usually packs the house for ANY occasion so I was surprised when no one came. I felt a little sad about it b/c I felt like perhaps they didn't think my shower was a big deal since I adopted my baby. But I was far too over the moon with excitement about my son, so that sadness soon was pushed behind me. But then his christening came up. It was a month after my grandma passed away. I even went through the trouble of scheduling his christening on the day after one of my cousin's wedding b/c I knew the family would be in town for the weekend. The entire family was at the wedding, but the only one's who showed up for J's christening and the little party afterwards was his godmother and my aunt from my mom's side of the family and one of my cousins with her kids. This time I felt seriously upset b/c my aunt baked a cake, my mom purchased balloons, and even had out some finger foods. No one bothered to come or even call. I just don't know what to think about that at all, but I have a feeling this is going to happen for his party, which is why I'm sending out invites today, a month early. Perhaps I should have sent them 2 months early. I will be upset if his family does not come to celebrate his first birthday with him, but it won't stop me from celebrating my baby's first year! I am inviting all of my friends and their children who are all anxious and can't wait to meet J or see him again. I am ordering some coloring books as favors and usually I'd have to order 50 plus if I planned on having all of the kids in the family to show up, but since I don't expect them to come, I'm only ordering 20 of them. I have a feeling I won't regret it.
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