Cheese please!!

And that would be me, begging Jayden to stand or sit still for a picture! He hates to be photographed with my p&s and with my SLR, I guess b/c he knows those mean business. When I pull out my big, black monster (SLR) he just ignores me until I put it away! LOL! Oh but pull out the camera phone and he poses and smiles and all! So I have a phone full of CUTE 1.8 megapixel pictures of my child that I can't do a single thing with! Of course, I still try my luck at getting a great picture of him every now and then. A few nights ago we were headed out to meet some friends. The temperature outside was in the low 30s, so we bundled Jayden up in his Yo Gabba Gabba gear. He was so cute so I felt it was the perfect opportunity for pictures. He disagreed...




It may seem like he's cooperating here and letting me get a picture of his hat, but that's not so...he's crying b/c he doesn't want his picture taken.


In the middle of his tantrum he points to the fridge requesting some juice...Ahhhh, I have an idea!!


"Say cheese for momma and you can have your juice!" Viola!!!

It's so much easier to take his picture when he's asleep...



We took his Christmas pictures this past weekend and they turned out well even considering the fact that he didn't have a nap. We had a few funny and cute outtakes that I will certainly share here soon.

Do you believe in angels?

I do. And I believe God sent one down to protect me today...maybe even save my life.

Daddy and J went out to get haircuts and I got on the road to the outlet mall in search of J's Christmas outfit for Christmas pictures tomorrow. I was driving on the main highway to get to the interstate and the speed limit is 55mph. I was going 50mph in the middle lane. All of a sudden an SUV merges onto the highway and hops directly in front of me going VERY slow. I had to hit my breaks and of course I was thinking "WTH are you doing?!?!" As soon as I thought that another SUV ran a red light and was crossing the higway I was driving on along with several other cars. I don't believe this lady knew she ran the red light b/c when she saw all of the cars coming at her and swerving off the highway, she slammed on her brakes and stopped in the middle lane,directly in front of the SUV, right where I would have been had that SUV not hopped in front of me. Not to mention, I was going 50mph before the SUV slowed me down. Cars on the right side of me swerved off to the side, horns were blowing, brakes were screeching, but the SUV in front of me simply slowed down with no effort and so did I b/c I was caught behind it going about 30 by then. Had I still been going 50mph, I am almost certain I would have collided with the lady running the light. So I have no idea who it was driving that SUV that cut me off and mad me angry, but thank you God for sending that angel to keep me safe. In fact, thank you God for sending that angel to keep EVERYONE on the road (including the lady that ran the light) safe!!

Catching up

We have been busy here...Sickness, therapy, photo shoots, etc!

Therapy has been going well for the most part, but Friday J had a rough day. He came down with a cold and a friend of mine, Ange, told me that when kids with SPD get sick, they get extra irritable and their behavior may get worse. Well Jayden was the text book picture of an SPD child who wasn't feeling well on Friday. He woke up very congested even after I had his humidifier running all night. He barely touched his breakfast and was pretty clingy to me. Also he was getting very frustrated with any and everything, including my shooe that he couldn't tie (and he does NOT know how to tie shoes!!). Also if he even saw my lips thinking about saying the word "No" he freaked out. He was banging his head all morning long. And let me be the first to tell you that no matter how "harmless" that behavior is said to be, it doesn't make it any less painful for a mother's eyes to see. That shatters my heart. Everytime I see him do it I get a sick feeling in my stomach. So when the therapist arrived, I warned her that he was indeed out of sorts and not feeling well and that he had been banging his head all morning. The therapist had yet to see this behavior and I really think that she assumed that when I said head banging that it was just a typical toddler flinging his head back in a tantrum while not being aware of his surroundings and hitting his head on accident; she soon witnessed what I meant... She noticed that J was not himself so did light activities with him, but at one point she took some blocks that he was quietly playing with and she hid them under a cup and told him to say open if he wanted to see the blocks. J refused to say open and pulled at the cup. The therapist wouldn't give in ( this sounds mean of her but I'm not angry at her b/c I know it's her job to get him to talk) and J kept pulling the cup and then he lost it. He literally threw himself across the floor and started rolling around (imagine an alligator after it catches prey) wildly all over until he hit something hard with his body. In this case it was his bounce and spin zebra. He then got up on his hands and knees, facing the zebra, and started rocking back and forth banging his head on the zebra. The therapist replied "Oh.." and looked at me. I told her that I just let him do it as long as he's not in any danger and then once he's done I give him a bear hug which includes pressure to his head and it calms him down. J knew he wanted his bear hug after he finished banging his head so he came straight to me and I hugged him and he calmed down. Of course that meant marks on his spreadsheet, but oh well, it's our reality. He continued to bang his head throughout the weekend, and while it still hurts my heart, I am doing what I can to help him cope. Today's session went alot better. He babbled the entire sesison which is certainly progress b/c he used to play very quietly. The babbling tells us that if he knew how to form words he would use them, so he's trying. Which brings me to some beautiful news from the weekend!!

Saturday I had a very long shoot so J spent the day with Daddy. I got home at around 7:45 and the guys weren't home. Daddy took J for a haircut, but the place was too crowded so Daddy decided it would be best for Jayden if they came at a less busy time. Great move! So they were on the way home and Daddy decided to call me from the onstar phone in our truck. J loves to hear us talk through the speakers in the truck. So I said "Hi Baby!!" He didn't respond but Daddy told me he was smiling. I said it again, "Hi Baby!" and J yelled "Hi mommmmeeeeee!!" Awwww! So then I asked, "J how old are you?" and he yelled "Doooooooooooo!!" YAY!! I then said "Awww, Momma loves you J!" and he said "Yah yuuuuuuuuuuuu!" I love how he sings everything! So they got home, J ran into my arms and gave me a hug and we sat down for a late dinner and J babbled the entire time. You could tell that he really wanted to talk so I called my mom to see if he would talk on the phone to her. When she answered I said "Mom someone wants to talk to you." and I gave the phone to J. I said say HI to Nana and J said "Hiiiiiiii!!!" and the I asked "How old are you?" He grabbed the phone and said "Doooooooooooooooooooooooo!" I took the phone back and my mom was screaming and CRYING!!! She told me that was music to her ears!! We are all so proud of him. Moms with very verbal toddlers, do not take it for granted. Sure sometimes you wish they would just be quiet for just a few minutes, but just remember that there are so many kids who are quiet for far too long and their parents long to hear their voices! So let your kids talk all they want and listen to that sweet voice and thank God for it!!

The dreadful 1st Trimester

No I'm not pregnant!! At least I don't think I am ;)

A few days ago, an online friend of mine, who was recently matched with what she thought would be her second adopted child, shared her story. She agreed to let me share it on my blog, so here goes...

My friend is Libby and she successfully adopted a beautiful little girl just about a yr ago. Everything went fine with the adoption and she had/has a wonderful relationship with the baby's birthmother. It's the experience that all waiting parents hope to have when adopting. But the scary truth is that it's not always a pleasant experience. Last week Libby announced with joy that they were matched again and that her daughter would be a big sister...

"She is due on the 17th but they are going to do a planned c-section. I get to be in the room again and be the first to hold the baby etc...We do know the sex but didnt really want to so we arent sharing that. SHe is in Southern Cali but may be coming here for the birth."

They had it all planned out. The birthmom gave her all of the necessary info and even went so far as to say that she may travel to Libby's area, which would then make the adoption go smoother for them and less stressful for Libby's first child. So exciting right?? Well yesterday Libby came to the forum with some heartbreaking and disturbing news...There was no baby. It was all a scam. The "birthmother" not only took lots of money from Libby and her family, but this lady took their hopes and dreams of adding to their family. Everything was a lie. She even went as far as to send an ultrasound picture to Libby's facilitator, but there was no medical records and she does have other children so the ultrasound could have been from a previous pregnancy. It hurts to know that there are people out there who would do this to other families. Adoptive parents are not just heartless souls wanting to buy a baby at the best price!! We are real people with FEELINGS! We have the desire to build a family just as a fertile couple has the desire to build a family. It sickens me to know that someone would do this and not have any concern about the family's feelings. Now Libby is grieving. Grieving the loss of a child that never existed. A child that she was made to believe existed and would be in her arms by next week. Libby used the following statement to describe adoption:

"I think I have found the easiest way to describe adoption...its like forever being in the first trimester...So excited and hopeful, dying to share with everybody but scared it will be taken away. Floating around on cloud nine and strangers have no idea why because I am not showing..."

EXACTLY!! This is exactly how I felt when we were matched with J. We only told my parents and my in laws. No one else knew and sense J was born right around the holidays, we were surrounding by family as we grasped our cells and rushed to answer them at the very first ring, waiting for THE CALL. But at the same time, we knew it could have been taken away in the blink of an eye. So there we sat, beaming...floating on cloud 9, but keeping it all to ourselves b/c we knew it wasn't for certain. So in a way, my friend Libby is feeling the pain of a lost child. Her heart is broken. I am praying for her and ask all of my blog readers to say an extra prayer for her and her family tonight.

Feeling Sentimental

We had a busy day today...therapy this morning then storytime at 3:30, which went much better than morning storytime, even the instructor commented ;)I planned to go to the gym with J after storytime, but I started to feel not so great towards the end of storytime, so we came home instead. Every day J grabs his Nemo DVD case and runs through the house screaming "Bubbooooooz Bubbooooooz!!" I guess that's imitating the crazy fish in the dentist office who is addicted to the bubbles in the tank..you know "Bubbles Bubbles Bubbles...MY BUBBLES!!!" LOL! Well he demands to watch that DVD everyday (Sorry ABCs!!). So when we got home he asked to watch his movie so I put it on in his room and he sat down waiting for it to begin. I grabbed his pillow and sprawled out on his floor to watch with him. He looked at me and scooted back to get closer and put his arm on me and smiled as his movie started. He kept looking at me and smiling and then eventually climbed on my chest and sat on me to watch his movie. Then he gave me a big hug and a kiss. I lay there and thought about how surreal this mommy thing still is to me. 2 yrs ago I was still asking God if this would ever happen. Will I be a mom before I leave this Earth? I had no idea and was so very anxious to know. Now I've been a mommy for almost 2 yrs now and still find times when I can't believe that he is mine. I can't believe that I have someone to care for, spoil, bathe, tell bedtime stories, tuck in at night, and watch cartoons with. Someone who calls me Mommy...WOW. I am so blessed :)

His SLP came over this morning for his weekly speech therapy and I told her about his terrible behavior during mealtimes. He is now only eating bread and fries and anything sweet. I tried feeding him mashed potatoes last night and it was an awful experience that included screaming, kicking, crying, and then ended with vomit :( I don't want him to have to go through that anymore so I need the therapists to help us. She is going to see about getting some tips and exercises from the feeding clinic b/c she believes it may be full and the sessions take place in the clinic which is about 30 minutes away from our house. I told her if there is a slot I will drive no matter the distance b/c we need the help. She will be back on Wednesday for another therapy session and hopefully some good news for us on the eating front. Well I'm going to fix me some baked potatoe soup and hop in bed.

Updates

Well we are back from MO! Actually we got home on Tuesday night, just in time to see the results from the election :) Everyone in the house is sick though. Daddy has allergy symptoms and J and I are sharing cold symptoms. J did AWESOME in the childcare at the resort though. A worker there fell in love with him and she admitted to favoring J both nights. I already knew it though b/c when I checked on him she always had him in her lap and then he didn't want to leave her when I went to pick him up the 2nd night! She was really sweet and she walked him down to the truck just before we left Tuesday morning. I have lots of pictures to share, but I'll get them on here soon, I promise.

I really wanted to post here to let you know that J is trying really hard lately to become more verbal. Last night we stopped at our favorite buffet with intentions to get some soup to go since we know J has a hard time at loud places. Well we got there and there were only 2 or 3 other tables seated, so we decided to eat there since it would be cheaper for us. J sat in his hook-on highchair on the inside of the booth. This has helped TREMENDOUSLY with his behavior and anxiety in restaurants. I believe it's because he is actually inside the table with us and can sit right beside me, away from the traffic in the restaurant. It holds kids up to 37lbs and J is currently 28, so we have some good time with this seat and it's very safe to use (provided you are using a stable table). Anyway, we were sitting at the table and Daddy was at the bar getting some food. J spotted Daddy and yells "Mom!!" I said "No that's Daddy." J waves his hand and says "Hiiiiii Da yeeeee!! Mmmmmm whaaaa!!" He blew a kiss to Daddy :) Then when Daddy got to the table J said "Aye ay ay ay yub yU!" Ok ok, I'll translate...He is definitely trying to say "I love you." We know this b/c he says it after he gives us a hug or a kiss and it's always said in the same tone. Also, during our 10 hour drive, he demanded to only watch his ABC video "A E E!!" or his Nemo video "E O!!!" He knows every single song on the ABC video, but cannot get words out, only sounds. He tries so hard at getting the words but sevreal just seem to be too complex for him. At times, when he tries to say something he gets frustrated and starts screaming. Before we knew of the issues he is having, we would just blame the screaming on bad behavior and tell him to stop screaming, instead of trying to figure out what the problem was. So when we heard him trying to say a word, we would help him to pronounce it. He tried and tried, but then just went back to making sounds. And he can sing entire songs with just sounds. Daddy thought it was weird, but J has memorized that entire 90 minute DVD and if he could talk, I'm sure he would sing the entire thing. His next speech therapy session is on Monday and I will need to ask the therapist about getting a chew toy for him b/c I'm sure it would aid in his oral-motor exercises and I've also noticed that he has a constant need to put things in his mouth, including clothes, toys, shoes, and ever door stops! So I want to get him some things that are meant for him to chew on b/c I surely don't want him back in the hospital with stomatitis. Well that's all from us now, I'll keep you posted on his progress.