Thursday, November 13, 2008

The dreadful 1st Trimester

No I'm not pregnant!! At least I don't think I am ;)

A few days ago, an online friend of mine, who was recently matched with what she thought would be her second adopted child, shared her story. She agreed to let me share it on my blog, so here goes...

My friend is Libby and she successfully adopted a beautiful little girl just about a yr ago. Everything went fine with the adoption and she had/has a wonderful relationship with the baby's birthmother. It's the experience that all waiting parents hope to have when adopting. But the scary truth is that it's not always a pleasant experience. Last week Libby announced with joy that they were matched again and that her daughter would be a big sister...

"She is due on the 17th but they are going to do a planned c-section. I get to be in the room again and be the first to hold the baby etc...We do know the sex but didnt really want to so we arent sharing that. SHe is in Southern Cali but may be coming here for the birth."

They had it all planned out. The birthmom gave her all of the necessary info and even went so far as to say that she may travel to Libby's area, which would then make the adoption go smoother for them and less stressful for Libby's first child. So exciting right?? Well yesterday Libby came to the forum with some heartbreaking and disturbing news...There was no baby. It was all a scam. The "birthmother" not only took lots of money from Libby and her family, but this lady took their hopes and dreams of adding to their family. Everything was a lie. She even went as far as to send an ultrasound picture to Libby's facilitator, but there was no medical records and she does have other children so the ultrasound could have been from a previous pregnancy. It hurts to know that there are people out there who would do this to other families. Adoptive parents are not just heartless souls wanting to buy a baby at the best price!! We are real people with FEELINGS! We have the desire to build a family just as a fertile couple has the desire to build a family. It sickens me to know that someone would do this and not have any concern about the family's feelings. Now Libby is grieving. Grieving the loss of a child that never existed. A child that she was made to believe existed and would be in her arms by next week. Libby used the following statement to describe adoption:

"I think I have found the easiest way to describe adoption...its like forever being in the first trimester...So excited and hopeful, dying to share with everybody but scared it will be taken away. Floating around on cloud nine and strangers have no idea why because I am not showing..."

EXACTLY!! This is exactly how I felt when we were matched with J. We only told my parents and my in laws. No one else knew and sense J was born right around the holidays, we were surrounding by family as we grasped our cells and rushed to answer them at the very first ring, waiting for THE CALL. But at the same time, we knew it could have been taken away in the blink of an eye. So there we sat, beaming...floating on cloud 9, but keeping it all to ourselves b/c we knew it wasn't for certain. So in a way, my friend Libby is feeling the pain of a lost child. Her heart is broken. I am praying for her and ask all of my blog readers to say an extra prayer for her and her family tonight.


Becky said...

Hi. I am an adoptive mom of two of the best children in the world! I found your blog through Faith, Hope, and Love, Lisa's blog.
Your son is so adorable!!
Oh how I hate to hear this about your friend! That is horrible! The kind of thing you see on a Lifeime movie that you pray would never be real!!
I'm so sorry for her!

L L said...

My heart breaks for Libby. I also think failed adoptions etc are kind of like getting a false positve.

It is so sad that there are women out there that will take advantage of couples that are just wanting to grow their family. There should really be a way that fraud charges could be pressed.

Our agency gets the medical records for the expectant mom to give to the adoptive parents before the adoptive parents say yes to a situation. Which I think is a very good thing! J and I in our current situation is having "A" sign a medical release so that we have access to her records.

Much love and prayers to Libby.

Silicon Cookware said...

Nia--I don't know if you'll remember me but I'm Sarah, and I was on the TTC board a while ago. At that time I lived in Idaho, but now I live in CA. Someone from the TTC board gave me a link to your blog so I've been randomly reading some of it and catching up. You will not believe this--I think Libby is in my playgroup! The name and details match her exactly. I don't know if your friend has given you an update or not, but she miraculously got pregnant and carried to term last year and now has a beautiful little boy in addition to her adorable daughter. They are still hoping to add to their family through adoption in the future (and with biological children if that happens).

How amazing is it that we "knew" each other from a ttc message board, I was randomly reading entries, and happened to read this one?