Monday, January 5, 2009
SI is a very difficult thing to deal with at times. We went to Atlanta this weekend to visit my BFF and her new baby. The trip was very unpleasant and J was out of control (not exaggerating one bit) from the moment we got to Atlanta until we got in the truck to head home. He was non stop and very unruly. So out of sorts that I just knew something had to be bothering him and causing a sensory overload. Sure enough, today he's had diarrhea, fever, and congestion. I'm taking care of that, but it just gets so overwhelming at times. Everyone keeps telling me that I have so much patience with him. Even his speech therapist told me so this morning (right after he got angry and stood up and hit her several times over a puzzle) that I have lots of patience with him. I don't feel like I do though. I yell at him at times, and sometimes when he just won't stop, I feel like I grab his arm a little too rough and I immediately feel guilty. He can't help what he does. I know he can't. But I still get frustrated and angry with him. I don't think that qualifies me for the Mother of the Year award now does it? I try so hard to be understanding, but at times I just feel like I need a break. I deal with the behavior 24/7 and then I go to bed questioning myself and wondering what I could have done better. Then the next morning I get up and try something new with him and he gets frustrated and I feel like a failure once again. This morning I tried helping him to play with his learning laptop and he didn't want me to help so he slapped me, snatched the laptop, and when I took it back and told him I wanted to help he slapped himself in the face and threw himself to the floor. I yelled at him... It's so hard...24/7.