I'm pretty sure that I'm so emotional lately due the fact that I haven't been able to get a good night's sleep since Thursday's incident. I check his monitor constantly. I go into his room and make sure he's breathing. If he doesn't get up at his usual time in the mornings, I run to his room to check on him. It's so hard to be worried about your child 24/7, and Sunday we believe he had a petit mal seizure after dinner b/c he was very clingy, whiny, and tired for about 45 minutes. I was afraid to even put him to bed.
We are driving out to Slidell tonight and Jayden's MRI and EEG are scheduled for tomorrow morning and then he will see the Dr right after his procedures, to discuss the seizure(s) he had last week. I am so worried that we will get bad news from the tests. I keep reminding myself that God is in control and Jayden's life was planned out before he even came home to us. I just fear that I simply cannot handle anymore bad news. But God knows better. We got the call in September of 2006, about a baby boy due in November. The birthmom was completely healthy, no signs of drug or alcohol abuse. The only problem she had was gestational diabetes. Jayden was born a healthy baby boy. Now had we gotten that same call, about the same baby, only with the knowledge that the baby boy had autism, celiac disease, and a seizure disorder and that he would require a special diet, therapy 3 days a week, medical care, daily medications, etc, I admit that we would have probably said no to the caseworker. That we couldn't handle a special needs child as our first. But God knew better. Jayden had health problems since the day he came home and although I had Drs tell me that nothing was wrong, I kept fighting until we found out what was wrong. I never knew I had the strength, but God knew. He trusted my husband and I to take care of one of His special angels. It gets so hard and there are times (like now) when I feel weak and ready to give up, but then I look at my precious son, my angel from heaven, and I remember that he needs me to stay strong for him. So I'm going to stay strong!