Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Time for a sibling??

I guess 2 yrs old is the magic number for when you should start thinking about a sibling for your first born?? Just this past week I've been asked by several people (mainly strangers!!) if we plan to have more kids. For instance, the other day at the YMCA, while we were checking in, J was rocking my friend's baby and giving her the pacifier. A lady commented on how much of a sweet big brother he is! He loves babies and he's learned to be so gentle with them (I'm sure it's b/c they don't take his toys). When we are in stores, if he sees a baby, or even just a car seat covered with a blanket, he will put his finger to his lip and whisper "Shhhhhh, a baby!" Everytime people ask us how old J is, we tell them that he will be 2 in December, and 9 times out of 10, we hear the sibling talk! I don't mind though. It's good to dream right?!?

It's just difficult for us to say when. With infertility, you can't just say, "Okay, J is old enough now, so let's try for another." I have never known what it was like to just say I want a baby now, and be able to make that happen. I wish I could. Ladies, if you have been blessed with the gift of fertility, don't take it for granted! Thank God for the blessing! It seems so much less stressful than what we have to endure. I am indeed ready for another baby, but I'm not sure if I am ready for all of the emotional ups and downs that will come with trying. My endometriosis is topped with pelvic adhesive disease, so everytime I have a laparoscopic surgery to remive the endo, I get more scar tissue on my reproductive organs. My right ovary and fallopian tube are completely covered in scar tissue. I have a hormonal imbalance due to the endometriosis. All of this works against us when trying to conceive. My Dr has already told me that my best chance of conception will be by bypassing all of my damaged organs and going straight to my uterus (which is healthy) via IVF. Financially, we can do it. Emotionally, I'm just not too sure at this point. So many what ifs. So why don't I just adopt again? I'm sure some people will think that. Ever since I was a child, I longed to feel my child growing inside of me. Not saying that since J didn't grow inside of me, I love him less. I love that boy so much that if it was possible for me to love him any more simply b/c he grew in my womb, it would probably be a crime! But, as a woman, I know that it is hard to let go of what you know your body is supposed to be able to do. I feel like God is not done with us. I'm not ready to let go of hope. So now the research begins again. I will visit my Dr for my annual check up, and get my info for IVF again. I have already had a mock transfer, so it's up to me and my husband on when we decide to go on. The only thing is I feel like God is telling me that we can do this ON OUR OWN!! So I won't put a date on this IVF thing just yet. Just keep us in your prayers.

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